Stuck in the Forbidden Forest
by midnightmusings29
Summary: This is how Lily's best friend Ally Godrey, with the help of Moony, Wormtail, and Padfoot got James and Lily together. When Ally, Lily, and the four Marauders get stuck together in the Forbidden Forest, what else could happen except romance and stupidity?
1. A Cry in the Night

**Chapter 1: A Cry in the Night**

"Ally! _Ally!_ Get up!"

I groaned. Someone was calling my name, and whoever it was was going to have to suffer some serious consequences when I decided to get up. Which would not be now. I rolled over, trying to make them go away.

"Ally Godrey! Get up _this second_!"

"Lily?" I could recognize that bossy, in-charge tone anywhere; even ¾ asleep and much too tired for anyone's safety.

"Yes, Ally. Would you please get up now?"

"How about I don't and we see what happens?"

"_Ally_! I am _Head Girl_!"

I sighed. Lily Evans was indeed Head Girl. A 7th year saint, the teachers called her. The Head Boy was James Potter, the Quidditch captain. He and his three pals Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew made up the Marauders, the boys who had broken the unofficial world record for pulling pranks and getting into trouble. Not just broken it, but blasted it into smithereens.

Of course, I had to be the 6th year who got herself pulled into this mess. But being a year younger than Lily, James, Peter, Sirius, and Remus apparently made no difference when you were being forced out of bed at 2:00 AM. I was Lily's best friend; I was the one who went with her on her wild goose chases after the Marauders. We (or she, as I never really looked) had never actually caught them, but Lily was determined to catch James. It was almost an obsession to get him in trouble. Oh, she _so_ liked him.

"_Lily_! I am a cranky girl who is being dragged out of bed at-" I checked the clock to see if I was accurate, "-2:45 AM to go do who-knows-what who-knows-where!"

"Come _on_, Ally. I heard Potter and the other idiots getting up and I know they're up to something or another!" Lily sounded angry, and I realized she was taking this whole Head Girl job _way_ too seriously. But she was an incredible witch, and while I was too, I couldn't have taken Peter Pettigrew down in this state.

"Fine," I muttered. "I'm coming." I tried to slowly make my ay out of bed, but Lily obviously did not understand the necessity of moving slowly at 3:00 AM. I got dragged out of bed, and a result, hit my head on the floor. "Ow! Oi, Lily, stoppit!"

After throwing on a pair of jeans, a long-sleeved v-neck, and a hoodie, I half-sprinted behind Lily as she ran (at top speed, I might add) down the stairs to the Gryffindor common room.

"So Lily," I asked conversationally, "why _exactly_ were you watching and waiting for James?"

Even in the dim light, I could've sworn Lily blushed. "I-I was doing my job as a prefect!" she snapped. "Now come on!"

We ran through the school, occasionally avoiding Peeves and the Bloody Baron. As soon as we were out on the grounds, I stopped to catch my breath and look around. "Lily, they obviously aren't here. Can we go back to bed now?"

Lily glared at me. "James has an invisibility cloak."

"Wonderful," I said sarcastically. "How are we supposed to find them if they're invisible?"

I don't think Lily had considered this fact, because a second later she said in a much more subdued tone, "We should check the grounds anyway. Come on, Ally."

And with that, she marched off. "Spectacular," I muttered after her. I wondered how likely Lily would be to kill me if I went back to the dormitory now. Because if I was to die, I'd rather do it well-rested than dead-tired. Ha! _Dead_-tired.

_Oh no,_ I thought sorrowfully. _By waking me up, Lily Evans has successfully reduced me to Sirius Black's level of jokes. That was _horrible_. _

"Well, awake or groggy, she'll kill me," I finally sighed. "Damn."

I caught Lily half-way down the trail to the Forbidden Forest. "So…" I said.

"So?"

"It's a pretty night tonight. Not a cloud in the sky; perfect for the full moon," I tried for a conversation.

"I supp—" Lily tried to make some kind of response, but she was cut off by a howl that pierced through the night. It sounded broken. Not to mention terrifying.

It was followed by snarling of some kind. Could it be…?

"Is that a dog?" asked Lily, straining to hear.

"I _think_ so," I responded. "But what's that howling? I've never heard anything like it."

Lily frowned. "It sounds like it's coming from the Whomping Willow. We should go make sure everything's alright."

I sighed in frustration. "Fine, Lily. But James isn't here, so don't expect him to save you like he did with Snape."

"I wish you wouldn't call Severus 'Snape,' Ally. It's degrading."

I stared at her, not believing she had just said that. "Oh, please! You call James 'Potter,' and you call Sirius 'Black!'"

"Yes, but that's-"

"Different?" I snorted, trying to hold back a laugh. "Why should I, or anyone else for that matter, show _Snape_ respect? He called you a Mudblood, the ugly git! He hangs around with those imbeciles Avery and Muliciber!"

"I know, but still-"

"Still what?" I looked at Lily. "I will date Peter Pettigrew before I show Snape respect or call him 'Severus.' You should be glad I don't call him Snivellus, like everyone else."

Lily opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again. "Sorry."

"It's fine," I said, grinning. "I over-reacted."

"No, you didn't. You told me what I should've realized already." Lily glanced around the darkened forest. "C'mon, we're almost there."

The howling became more pronounced the closer we got to the Whomping Willow. I shivered. "It's awfully-mournful, isn't it?"

Lily nodded.

"I wonder what it is. I hope James and the others are all right."

Lily didn't respond, and as I turned to look at her face, I saw the worry. She was definitely scared for James. Whether she was scared for herself, I didn't know.

I thought this whole argument between James and Lily was completely off. Those two would be the cutest couple if James would just get over his swelled head and Lily would be open-minded and give them a chance. I had been trying to get them together since 5th year, but they were (and still are) as stubborn as I am.

We reached the Whomping Willow a few minutes later. I was actually more tired than I was before—was that even possible? I yawned.

"Great!" Lily was saying. "How are we supposed to get past this tree?"

I sighed. "_Stupefy!_"

Immediately the tree became still. Lily shook her head. "Sorry. Being up this early affects my brain."

"Well then maybe you shouldn't be awake this early! And maybe you shouldn't wake others up as well!"

She started laughing; after a minute I joined in. "Nice one," grinned Lily.

"Thanks. I've been practicing." I paused. "Wait, are you talking about the joke or the spell?"

"Both."

"Really? I didn't think the joke was one of my best," I said.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Shut up and go, Ally."

"Fine," I said, sliding down a hole near the base of the tree trunk. Lily and I had found out about this hole when James had saved Snape back in our 5th year. Everyone thought the place was haunted, but we could clearly hear the howling and snarling coming from the hole. Everyone now called it The Haunted Hole. (Kind of like the Shrieking Shack except stupider.)

"_Lumos._" I lit my wand so I could see into the darkness, and I heard Lily do the same behind me. The howling was loud now, and I found myself shivering.

"Ally?" Lily reached forward and grabbed my hand. I was glad to know that I was not the only one who was terrified at the moment. "We're almost there. Come on."

We walked forward until we hit stairs. _Stairs?_

"Is this the…this can't be…the Shrieking Shack?" said Lily next to me. "How did we get here?"

"I don't know," I said. "I bet you anything James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter know about this place."

Lily's back straightened; she didn't look scared anymore. "If they do, and this is their idea of a practical joke…oh, they will be in for the _beating of their lives_."

I stared at her. "Remind me never to get on your bad side, okay?"

We walked carefully up the stairs, trying not to make any sound while trying to move as quickly as we could.

"It must be 4:00 AM by now," I said wistfully. "I could be sleeping so soundly. Without feeling like I'm about to be eaten."

"Why do you feel like you're about to be eaten?"

"I dunno. I just don't feel very safe. I mean, howling, secret passageways to Hogsmeade, snarling, being up at 4:00 AM alone without a teacher…"

"I think 'alone' _means_ 'without a teacher,'" Lily laughed.

"Oh haha," I said irritably. "But just in case, I brought my Healer things."

"You thought we were going to get hurt?"

"No…but, well, I don't know, I mean, we're dealing with the Marauders here! Whatever they do, _someone _gets hurt! I didn't know whether it'd be us, or them, or…it's better to be safe than sorry, I guess."

Lily nodded. Without another word, we climbed up to the stairs to the door where the howling seemed to be coming from. "_Alohomora!_"

The door creaked open. And what I saw inside I wished I'd never seen.

It was a werewolf. And it was _huge_. Tan, muscular, furry: and _no_, the tan and muscular part wasn't hot. It didn't even look human. It was the single most terrifying thing I'd ever seen. That must've been the howling part. It seemed to be fighting off three other animals; a stag, a dog, and—was that a rat? The dog must've been the one snarling.

Next to me, I heard Lily scream.That was a bad move. The howling and snarling stopped at least, but the animals turned to look at us. This was _really_ bad.

The stag cantered over towards us; somewhere in the middle of that, it turned into James and ran towards us at top speed.

No, wait. That wasn't right.

I should've fainted. I _would've _fainted. But Lily beat me to the whole fainting part, so I had to focus on catching her and keep her from falling over.

"What the hell?" That was all I managed to choke out. "_James?_"

"Ally? Crap! Lily!" He bent over and tried to wake her up. I pulled her away from him.

"What the _hell_ is going on here?" I spit out.

James seemed to realize the current situation and opened his mouth in shock. "_Damn,_" he swore. "Uh, well, you see—"  
"See what?" I was near hysteria now. "Are you all unregistered Animagi?"

"Yeah?" James seemed surprised that I had guessed so accurately.

"Spot on, Ally," I looked to see Sirius walking towards us calmly. "I always told you she was the brightest—"

"_Behind you!_" I screamed. James and Sirius spun around to see the werewolf swiping at them. They both transformed back into their Animagus forms, (Sirius _was_ the dog,) and tackled the werewolf.

"_Hold him while I get them out of here!"_ I heard James yell. The dog nodded and swiped a claw at the werewolf.

The stag cantered back over and bowed his head. At first I wondered why James was showing us respect at a time like _this_, and then I realized he wanted us to climb on. I did my best with Lily; it was inhumanly hard to get an unconscious girl on the back of a deer (or stag, or whatever James wanted to call himself) but I did my best. I then swung myself on his back.

James broke into a run/canter and was heading down the stairs. His movements were steady and calm, so I didn't know if he was okay with this whole thing, but_ I_ was going into shock. The only reason I was still conscious was because _Lily_ was still unconscious, and I was not letting him carry her (or me, for that matter) or touch her (not like _that_, pervert), or anything of the like. I wouldn't have let this happen with any boy, but I was especially careful with James, because I knew he fancied her. And as much as I wanted them together, I wasn't about to let Lily kill me because I'd let him carry her or whatever. She was _so_ going to owe me in the morning.

"Uh, James? I think we're far enough away from the Shrieking Shack." It felt weird addressing the stag as a human, but I think he'd have been offended if I'd called him 'thing' or 'animal' or 'stag-boy'.

James morphed back into his human form and I fell onto the ground. "Ow! You think you could've waited until I'd gotten off?"

"Sorry," said James, scratching his head. "You seem to be taking this surprisingly well, considering."

"Considering what?" I checked Lily's pulse. "She's in shock," I said to James. "We need to get her somewhere where the werewolf won't find her." I paused and grimaced. "We're going to have to go into the Forbidden Forest."

"Wait," James said. "Why aren't we going back to Hogwarts?"

"Because you've gotten us lost," I snapped. "I don't know which way Hogwarts is. The Forbidden Forest is right up ahead."

"So we should follow the Forbidden Forest back to Hogwarts!"

I rubbed my temples. It was so much harder to argue with James when he was the one making sense. "I can't walk that far. I've already been up walking around for an hour. And remember, we've got to take Lily with us. Neither you nor I—even in your stag form—" I said as James began to open his mouth—"can carry her all the way back to Hogwarts. And if we walk much farther you're going to have to carry me too. No, our best bet is the Forbidden Forest."

James seemed to be trying to find an argument to counter what I'd said. But after a minute he looked defeated, so all he said was, "Who's carrying Lily?"

"You," I told him against my better judgment. "I can barely hold myself upright.  
If Lily hadn't fainted first, I definitely would have."

Roaring with laughter, James picked Lily up and began to walk towards the Forbidden Forest. I glared after him, but quickly caught up anyhow.

"So, you're all Animagi? What's Peter? What's Remus?"

James quickly sobered. "Well, Peter is a rat…"

"And what's Remus?" I asked him. "And is this where you sneak off to every month? To fight off a werewolf? You should tell Professor Dumbledore, I'm sure he could kill it right away."

"No!" cried James. "We wouldn't kill him!"

"Why not? It's a _werewolf_. It could kill us all!"

"Yeah," said James. "It's also Remus."

I stopped walking and stared at him, waiting for him to start laughing and say 'Gotcha!' But he didn't. "He's _what_? _Remus Lupin_ is a _werewolf_?"

"Yeah."

"Oh." I sighed. I should've expected it. But now that I really thought about it, it wasn't really all that bad, considering what I'd already learned. One more insane concept couldn't be too hard to handle, could it? "Okay. So, it's only once a month, right?"

Now it was James' turn to stop and stare at me. "Really? That's _it_? 'Oh. Okay?' You're _okay_ with this?"

"Well, yeah, I suppose. I mean, it's not his fault and I've already decided to just be okay with this to keep myself from going too insane. Just don't expect the same reaction from Lily because she'll probably go nuts."

"Wow." James fell in step with me again as we entered the Forbidden Forest. "You're really cool, you know that, Ally?"

I grinned. "Yeah, I know. Why else do you think I'd get up at 3:00 AM to go searching for you with Lily?"

"Oh, yeah! Right." James looked worriedly down at Lily. "Do you think she's alright?"

"Yeah, she'll be fine. She just passed out because she saw you turn from an animal into a person," I said, thinking that it was pretty obvious.

"Oh. True."

I rolled my eyes. Boys could be so _dense_! I pulled out my wand, thinking that it was a bad idea to go into the Forbidden Forest unarmed. "So, when does Remus turn back into Remus?"

"Er, as soon as the sun rises."

"And do you think they'll be able to find us?"

"Who?"

_Who? What kind of idiotic wizard asks that?_ "Who do you think, brain-boy? Sirius, Remus, and Peter!"

"Oh. Yeah, Sirius's dog sense of smell will be able to find us."

"Jeez, you say 'Oh.' a lot. Oh look! That should work!" I pointed to a clearing surrounded by trees in every direction. It would be a good defensive spot, not to mention it was large enough for all of us. Well, it was three for now, but soon it'd be six, and the clearing had to be large.

"All right, James," I said, standing in the clearing. "We have found our campsite for tonight."

"Camp-what?" asked James. I groaned. I'd forgotten James was a pure-blood. Being raised by a wizarding family had done nothing to help teach him basic Muggle terms. I was a pure-blood myself, but I'd been adopted be a Muggle family and had been raised as such. Luckily, my adopted parents loved me and hadn't begun calling me a freak when my Hogwarts letter came. On the contrary, they were very supportive.

"It's a Muggle term," I said distractedly as I waved my wand. I was making sleeping bags, a tent (with a cabinet, stove, and toilet inside), and casting protective charms all over the clearing. "It means—well, I'm not exactly sure how to explain it, but—"

"Ally, what are you doing?"

"Defensive spells. Makes it impossible to see, hear, or in some cases, feel the presences of us."

James stared at me with his mouth open. "Do you study all day? How do you _know_ all this stuff?"

"It's called free time, James. Except I don't use it to pull pranks. I use it to prepare myself for this kind of stuff. Are you hurt at all?" I asked.

"No, but…Ally, this is _insane_."

"Learned it all from Lily," I told him. "She could do this too, but…she can't at the moment," I said, nodding my head at her in James' arms.

_James' arms. Oh, I'm _so_ dead in the morning. James will be bragging about holding her for a month._ "James! Put Lily on one of the beds!"

"Huh? Oh, er…"

"Don't say sorry to me. Just put her on the bed!"

"Right." James put her carefully down on one of the sleeping bags, pulling the covers up around her.

I sighed in exasperation. "You _so_ fancy her."

"Well, yes…" James stared at Lily. "But she hates me. I'm not sure why, though. Everyone else likes me alright."

"Maybe because _everyone else_ likes you so much. You _are_ a bit of an arrogant toe rag, as Lily calls you. It's hard to like you when you're so high and mighty all the time."

James looked at me. "Arrogant toe rag? _Really?_"

"Yeah. And she's right."

"You think I'm an arrogant toe rag too?"

"No," I laughed. "I mean she's right about you sometimes thinking too highly of yourself. You're sometimes rude, and a bit mean, and when Snape and her were friends you weren't very nice to him…not to say that I _like_ Snape," I added quickly. "I just mean…well, I don't know _exactly_ what I mean, but getting rid of your swelled head wouldn't hurt anyone."

"I have a swelled head? Oh no! Go get something to deflate it!" James joked. I dropped my head into my knees.

"You know, it might be 4:30 in the morning, but that doesn't mean you can reduce yourself to Sirius's level of jokes," I told him.

James laughed loudly. "I like you Ally."

"Unfortunately, I like you too," I said. James looked at bit offended at that, but I ignored him and looked at Lily. James looked at her too, worry creasing his forehead.

"She should be waking up right about now. It's been what—an hour?"

"I'm not sure."

"What? You're supposed to be the brainy one, remember?"

"Haha. I thought _you_ were brain-boy."

"But are you sure Lily's okay?"

"She's fine James," I said, rolling my eyes. It was sweet how worried James was, but at the moment it was really annoying. "I'm going to bed."

"What? Why?"

"Because I don't stay up all night fighting my best friends. I would like to retain what few hours of sleep I've got left. Wake me up if Lily wakes up or Sirius, Remus, and Peter come."

"So I'm the watchdog?"

"Think of it like this—if you die or get injured you're doing it for Lily." I lay on a sleeping bag. "Pull out your wand, James!" I cried.

"Oh, right. Sorry."

_If I wake up in the morning with all my limbs attached, it will be a miracle,_ I thought to myself, before I drifted off to a restless sleep.


	2. Marauders: Masterminds or Morons?

**Chapter 2: Marauders: Masterminds or Morons?**

"_What_? Why didn't you _tell her that_, you idiot?"

I was awakened by the sound of someone yelling. 5 House Points that it's Lily.

"Well, it was 4 o' clock in the morning, Lily!" Ha. I knew it.

"Oh, please. You four are probably up every night messing around with your Animagi or pulling some prank. Don't try that one on me."

Wow. That was the most Professor-like I'd ever heard Lily speak. "Should we wake her up?" asked Lupin.

_ Wake who up?_

Oh. Me, obviously, since Lily was awake, and I was the only other girl here. "Too late," I said ruefully, picking myself up off the forest floor. I brushed off my back and stared at the scene in front of me.

Clearly, the five people in front of me had picked sides. Sirius, James, and Peter were standing on one side of the clearing, while Lily and Remus took the other side. I was way too tired to deal with the five seventh years who looked ready to rip each other apart. Well, three seventh years. Remus didn't look ready to deal with anyone, and Peter looked about as into this fight as the tree rooted next to him did.

"So, what's everyone going to kill each other over now?" I asked tiredly. Rubbing my eyes, I checked my watch and realized I'd gotten a stunning three-and-a-half hours of sleep. Spectacular.

"This _idiot_," said Lily, gesturing at James, "forgot to mention last night that the Forbidden Forest _shifts_."

"Shifts? What the hell does that mean?"

"That means," Remus said, casting me an apologetic look, "that we could be anywhere in the Forbidden Forest right now. And we know that the Forbidden Forest spreads out for hundreds of miles in every direction."

"And what does _that_ mean?"

"We're stuck here together until the Forest shifts back to where it was when we came in."

I think I just stood there with my mouth hanging open. _Stuck_ here? _Together_? As in, with the four Marauders? Oh no.

Hm. Why wasn't I fainting? A girl is _supposed_ to faint at a time like this. And then the boys were to carry said girl to a sleeping bag and wait for her to wake up. Then the issue was to continue, except for the boys were supposed to go easy on said girl because she just fainted. I think. But I apparently wasn't fainting either way, so it was really a moot point. Hopefully, this meant that I was dreaming, and I would wake up back in the Gryffindor tower, after experiencing an awful nightmare about Remus Lupin being a werewolf and his three friends being unregistered Animagi—

"Um, Ally? Everything okay?" Sirius snapped his fingers in front of my face. I ignored him and continued waiting for the point in time where I would wake up.

_Ow!_ "_Sirius_! What the hell?" After getting no reaction whenst snapping his fingers, Sirius decided it would be wise to slap me across the face.

"Well, you looked like you were about to fall over! Also, you're our designated leader."

"I was _trying_ to fall over! When faced with the prospect of having to deal with the four most out-of-control boys in the entire school, a girl is supposed to faint! And since Lily fainted last time—" I broke off as I was met with empty stares from the Marauders. Lily, on the other hand, nodded her head and looked pleased with my attempt at protocol. I didn't _attempt_ to faint very often; actually, this was my first time ever doing it. But these were extreme circumstances, and trying to faint was an extreme countermeasure… Wait a second. Did he just say _designated leader_?

"E-excuse me? _Designated leader_? What are you _talking_ about?"

The seventh years looked surprised, as if they'd thought I'd be overjoyed to have the responsibility for five most irresponsible (well, four; Lily wasn't all that irresponsible) seventh years on my hands. I was a year _younger_ than them. What did they think they were doing?

"What do you think you're _doing_?" I voiced my thoughts. "Why are you putting _me _in charge? I'm the _youngest_."

Well, yeah." Sirius looked like this was the most normal conversation to have. _Normal?_ As if being trapped in the Forbidden Forest for who knows how long, then asking the youngest student to be the _designated leader_. We passed insanity a long way back, even with the whole magic factor.

"'Well, yeah?' That's _it_? Lily, you're Head Girl, you should be the leader!"

"I would, but…" Lily didn't look ready to argue with me. "Look, I think they're more likely to listen to you than me."

"What?" This made no sense.

"They like you more. Besides, you're better at magic then I am."

She _really_ wanted me to be leader. I'd never heard of Lily Evans admitting someone else was better at magic. Especially not someone _younger_ than her. Maybe I _was_ dreaming.

"Fine." Wait, _what_? I didn't—Dammit. One half of my brain was obviously not a good listener.

"Really?" Lily looked shocked.

"Yes, really," I said, a smile spreading across my face. "But, as designated leader, _you_ have to do what _I _say. Within reason, of course."

"Sure. What's the first task?" asked Remus.

I couldn't believe _no one_ was stepping up to the plate. The two biggest bookworms in the entire school, and they were making _me_ the leader. Obviously, the Forbidden Forest caused brain malfunctioning. "First task," I said reluctantly, "is a two-part plan. Part A: Find food."

"I like that part of the plan," said Sirius.

"Part B: Lay of the Land," I continued. "We need to figure out if there's anything dangerous nearby."

"It's the Forbidden Forest, Ally," said James. "_Everything's_ dangerous."

I glared at him. "I mean, are there any dangerous nests or groups nearby. I want to know if there are any dangerous beasts living near here. If there are, we move."

"That makes sense," said Remus.

"Okay, we need to know this. Are any of you licensed to apparate?"

Remus and Sirius raised their hands. "That's it?"

"I'm too young for my test," said Lily.

"I was sick," James explained.

"I failed," Peter said.

"So," Sirius said, clapping his hands together. "How're we doing this, designated leader?"

I rolled my eyes. "There are going to be three groups of two," I said. This was where my evil plans for unknown love kicked in. "Two groups will look for food, and the other group will look around for monsters."

"Why do we need two groups for food?" asked Remus.

"Because Sirius will probably eat half of whatever we find."

"Hey!" cried Sirius.

"She's right, Padfoot," said James, sniggering. He turned to look at me, a hopeful expression on his face. "What're our groups?"

"Lily, Remus or I will be one person in a group. James, Sirius, or Peter will be the other."

"Hold on!"

"I am _not_ letting you and James go off into the Forbidden Forest alone," I told Sirius firmly. "Or you and Peter, for that matter. Remus, you pick first. Then Lily. I'll take whoever's left. Remus?"

"I'll go with Peter," he said, edging away from James and Sirius. "I don't fancy getting myself blown up."

I grinned; this was probably true. "Lily?"

Lily was obviously making a very difficult decision. But I knew she'd pick James, because I _knew_ she liked him. Even if she didn't know it yet. "Potter."

"Lily, we are stuck in the Forbidden Forest together, and I have no idea if we're going to make it out alive," I said. "We are using first names."

"Fine," she said, glaring at me. I smiled sweetly back. "James, you're coming with me."

James had a dazed and delighted smile on his face as he walked towards Lily. I smiled inwardly. I knew I shouldn't be pushing so hard for the two of them, and I _definitely_ shouldn't be interfering, but…let me put it this way. I spend a lot of time in the Heads Common Room with Lily. And Lily talked in her sleep. She might not remember her dreams, but I certainly remembered her…ahem, moans of…ahem, pleasure.

"So! I suppose we're partners now?" asked a voice.

Wait, no! I scanned my mind over the last few minutes and…Dammit. This brilliant plan of mine might have backfired _just _a little bit. I opened my eyes to look into the face of a very cocky, very smug…Sirius Black. Argh, no!

"Great," I muttered. "I get stuck with the drunk."

Remus and James actually laughed. My impending doom is not a laughing matter, morons!

"I am not a drunk!" cried Sirius. I raised an eyebrow skeptically. "I'm not!"

"You're fighting a losing battle there, Padfoot," said James.

I returned into leader-mode. "Lily, James, I want you two to look for food in that direction," I said, pointing towards a river. "Use _Accio_ to catch fish if you have to."

"I am not using magic to _catch fish_."

"Might I remind you that _you_ chose _me_ to 'lead'? I did not force myself into this, _Prongs_. Now go."

They turned and scampered off.

"Remus, Peter, go in that direction," I said, gesturing in the opposite direction. "And Peter, _help_, don't hurt."

"Sirius…" I looked at him. "We're searching for monsters. Let's get a move on."

"Oh boy!" he said sarcastically as we started walking in the same direction James and Lily had. "My goal is to keep my tongue on."

"I'm surprised you've kept it this long, sticking it down so many girl's throats."

Sirius suddenly looked uncomfortable. "Er, well, I guess," he stuttered.

We looked at nothing for a while. I wondered if talking about other girls was awkward for him. But it couldn't be, right? He was the Hogwarts playboy, by name. He'd had so many girlfriends—no, not _even_ girlfriends, just snogging partners. How could this _possibly_ be awkward?

Oh no. Oh no, no, no. He was hitting on me! He was hitting on me so I'd like him and stop making fun of him and his excessive eating habits! And maybe even get out of searching for monsters. (Which, of course, we weren't going to be doing much of, as we were spying on Lily and James instead.) He couldn't effing hit on me!

Okay, here's the plan. If he makes any flirtatious moves, slap him. I'm not giving up making fun of him. I need fuel for my never-ending jokes!

Dear Merlin, I'm pathetic.

"Ally? Are you human?"

"Smooth," I said. "'Are you okay?' or 'Do you feel all right?' would've worked fine too, you know."

He grinned at me. "So, are we _actually_ looking for monsters or are we spying on James and Lily?"

"Spot on, Black. But I can't see why we can't do both."

"'Course you can't, designated leader."

"I can see anything I want to, designated playboy."

He gave me an appreciative look. "I might actually start liking you, Godrey."

"You know, James said the same thing last night. Are you _sure_ you're not twins separated at birth?"

"I've been asking myself that question for six years."

We continued with our meaningless banter for a while before I grabbed his shirt and pulled him behind a bush. "Are we at that stage already?" asked Sirius, winking at me.

"Hilarious," I said dryly. "Lily and James are right there."

"Oh."

We peeked from opposite sides of the bush and saw Lily and James talking and laughing. _What?_

"Are they…getting along?" asked Sirius, pulling me from my perfect view of the scene. "That's not possible! What…When did _this_ happen?"

"I don't know," I hissed frantically. "She didn't like him that much last night! Did you spike their food or something?"

"Is that something I'd really—No, I didn't," Sirius told me.

"Then why are they—Oh dear God, are they _snogging_?"

We stared. There, plain as day, James Potter and Lily Evans were snogging. It was extraordinarily cute, but something seemed off. Just something about the picture was…That was it. James wasn't wearing glasses. Sounds stupid, I know, but it was just _off_. "Sirius?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"Are you _sure_ that's Lily and James?"

"I'm...pretty sure," he answered doubtfully.

Then it hit me. "No, it's not," I said.

"What? Of course it is!"

"No, Sirius. Look. That's not the shirt Lily was wearing today. James isn't wearing glasses. Sirius, go over there and call out to James."

"What? No! He'll kill me for ruining the best snog of his life!"

"No, he won't, because _that's not James_!" I strode out of cover and called quite clearly, "James! Lily! Oi! You're supposed to be gathering food, not gathering lipstick!"

Neither of them moved.

I turned back to Sirius. "See? That's not James and Lily."

"Then…who is it?"

"I don't know, but I think the more accurate question is _what_ is it?"

"Probably some kind of monster," said Sirius. "Why don't we call them 'Killer Couples?'"

"I like it. Now, how do we find the _real_ James and Lily?"

"I don't know. Any ideas, genius?"

"Try going Animagus form," I said obviously.

He opened his mouth…and then closed it again. "I can't believe I didn't think of that."

"That's why _I'm_ in the group and not James."

He morphed and started smelling and perking his ears. He was actually kinda cute as a dog. I pet him and said, "I like you better as a dog."

He morphed (I honestly have no other word for it) back into a human and glared at me. "I can still understand you as a dog."

"That was kind of the point, Sirius," I said.

"They're that way," he finally told me, pointing to the right. "Just follow the sounds of arguing."

"I knew it," I exclaimed happily as I bounced after Sirius. Not literally, of course. "All is right with the world again."


	3. Well, That's Just Depressing

**Chapter 3: Well, That's Just Depressing**

"All is right with the world? I thought you _wanted_ them together," said Sirius skeptically, arching an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah, but them snogging at this early stage is just wrong," I said, thinking it was obvious. "They're still in the denial stage. Lily is, at least."

"Well, what do we do, Mistress of Mischief?"

"Don't call me that, Sirius," I told him, rolling my eyes. "We are going to spy."

"And if we get caught?"

"We tell them we were coming to warn them about the Killer Couples," I said, thinking quickly.

"Shut up and hide, Godrey," he hissed at me, and I scrambled behind a bush.

"Potter! Can't you do _anything_ right?"

"Well, I'm sorry, _Evans_, but I thought we were trying to catch fish, not have a fashion show!"

"It was not a fashion show!"

"Evans, if you're making fish go round and round in circles trying to decide on the best one, it's a fashion show."

"Well, excuse me for trying to pick fish that look edible!"

"Why do you have to yell all the time?" he asked, lowering his voice.

"I don't get it," I whispered to Sirius. "What did James do wrong?"

"I have no idea."

"Why _does_ she have to yell at him all the time?"

"You said it yourself; they're in the denial stage."

"Well, let's do something about that," I said determinedly.

"Wait—no—Ally!"

But it was too late. I jumped out from behind the bush and strode towards the two. "Lily! James! Fancy meeting _you_ here!"

"Well, this is where you sent us, so—"

"Lovely day, isn't it?" I interrupted.

Lily looked up at the sky, which was dark grey, then looked back at me. "No…?"

"So, what're you two doing here?" asked James, coming up behind Lily with two fish in his hands.

"Oh! We came to warn you about the Killer Couples," I announced brightly.

"The what?" asked Lily politely.

"Killer Couples," I repeated. "They look like kissing couple, but if you get too close, we're pretty sure you'll combust."

"Or be sent to a swirling vortex of doom," added Sirius.

"Yes." I gave Sirius my best you're-really-stupid look. "Or that."

They stared at us. "Are you two okay?"

"Absolutely not," I answered. I turned to the fish in James's hands. "It's been an hour. You two are a witch and a wizard. That's seriously all you caught?"

"We'd have more, but _Evans_ here—"

"First name basis," I ground out.

"Fine. _Lily_ here was taking her sweet time picking out the fish we were going to eat."

"I was trying to pick something edible!" Lily cut in.

I stared at her. "First of all, that's the worst excuse for an argument I've ever heard. If you're going to make us listen to you yell at each other ten feet apart, at least choose a good reason. Second of all, Lily, it doesn't matter how good the fish looks! We'll put a charm on it to get rid of any foul tastes or smells! We have magic, you two!"

"Well, it's just—"

"You see, we—"

"We're going to go that-a-way," said Sirius, pointing in the opposite direction. "Yeah, we'll see you…soon."

As soon as they were out of earshot, I said, "What the hell is with them?"

"I don't know."

"Why can't they just realize they love each other?"

"I don't know."

"Why can't they admit they'll get married and have a son named Harry who will be a Quidditch Seeker, a Defense Against the Dark Arts genius, and will ultimately end up defeating Voldemort?"

"I don't know. Nice touch with the Voldy-shorts, by the way."

"Thank you."

"Did you really just make that up?"

"Was it that bad?"

"Sounds a little unbelievable."

"We'll add a red-head. He'll marry a red-head and have three kids."

"Perfect!" He grinned and gave me a high-five. "Potters always marry red-heads!"

"How many Potters do you know besides James and his dad?"

"Let's look for monsters, shall we?"

I laughed into my sleeve. "Sure, Sirius. Whatever floats your boat."

When we finally made it back to camp half an hour later, we had found nothing monster-like. We'd spent most of the time coming up with romantic ideas. At first, I wondered how Sirius could be so good at this, when I realized that he'd set the record for Most Girls Dated.

"How about a romantic dinner?" Sirius suggested on the edge of the clearing.

"We'd need three things for that to be possible," I said, shaking my head. "A safe environment, romantic accessories, and edible food."

"Damn."

"Ally! Sirius!" Lily came running up. "We got a ton of good stuff! Come and eat!"

Sirius flashed me a smile. "You were saying about the edible food?"

"Do _you_ trust Lily and James together attempting to do something productive?"

"Sure."

"Then the brilliance on the outside definitely didn't make it into the brain."

"Are you calling me handsome?" He stopped and turned to face me.

"Well, I'd assume so, with the number of girls you've dated."

"You assume I'm handsome? Ally, I've been right next to you all day!"

"Well, I don't know, Sirius, because I can't see past all those falsehoods of—" I stopped as I came to a horrible realization. "Oh my God, Sirius, we're turning into Lily and James!"

"What does that mean?" asked Sirius, looking angry.

"It means, you and I are going to stop this right now." I stalked off.

In my frustration at myself, I didn't even see Lily and James watching us.

Lily and James snuck away from the bushes, staring at each other. "What did she mean?" whispered James when they were safely out of earshot.

"It means, Potter, that your friend is hitting on Ally," Lily snapped. "Get him away from her. I'm not letting her get corrupted by your idiocy."

"I meant, what did she mean when she said that she and Sirius were acting like you and me?"

"I don't know," admitted Lily. "There's something going on with them. I think she meant that they were bickering need—" She looked down. "—lessly."

"Oh."

"Maybe we have been over-reacting a bit."

"Yeah," said James. "Should we at least…maybe try to be friends?"

Lily bit her lip. "Maybe. But I want to find out what she meant exactly. Should we follow them?"

James flashed her a grin that made her _stupidly_ weak in the knees. "Would we do anything else?"

"Come on, let's go to dinner," said Lily, shoving him.

The next day, Lily and James followed Ally and Sirius out of the clearing. They were silent; James and Lily'd put Disillusionment charms on each other.

"So…" began Sirius. "Are we going to spy on James and Lily today?"

Lily and James stared at each other in disbelief.

"No," snapped Ally.

"You're in a bad mood," commented Sirius.

"Really? What was your first clue?"

"Well, why?"

"Why, Sirius?" She swung around and faced him. Lily grinned a little. "I know you're hitting on me. You're not exactly being subtle about it. Good God, you're almost as bad as James. But at least Lily and James _have_ something—"

Lily and James opened their mouths in silent protest.

"We have nothing. So what if you like me now?" Ally said disdainfully. "Can you honestly tell me you'll still like me a month or two from now? I like long-term relationships, Sirius. Two snogging sessions in a broom closet and a date in Zonko's is not a long-term relationship."

"Well, at least she knows what she wants," said Lily quietly.

"Look," Ally finished, "I know that Lily and James belong together, all right? They can go off and have Harry and be lovely and happy, but I don't really care about what happens to you. We're stuck here together, and when we find our way out, we'll never speak again. And maybe one day you'll find some girl who's just as slutty as you. But I am not going to be some girl you cast aside, and oh my God, I sound like Lily, and—you know what?" She paused and took a breath. "She doesn't have the right to. James is great. He's funny, and smart, and handsome, and she is so lucky that he's been in love with her for all these years. Because if he weren't so goddamn in love with Lily, he could have any girl he wanted in this school. Apart from me, maybe. But at least he'd be willing to make the long haul. You blow off a girl as soon as she's not interesting anymore. And I'm not going to be one of those girls you can brag about."

Sirius looked completely taken aback.

"I will work with you because I have to, Black. I want to get out of this horrible forest."

She stalked off around the corner and Sirius walked uncomfortably after her.

Lily turned to James. "I—I—Well, that was interesting."

He fixed her with a piercing stare.

"It's just—just—okay, fine! Ally's right. You are all of those things. But, James—it can't just be like this. We can't just kiss in the middle of nowhere. We became friends last night, for God's sake! I—I need to go back to camp."

She ran off, James looking after her.

**A/N:** Oh my God! The impossible happened! I updated! *Gasp!*

Okay, that's enough.

Anyway…DRAMA! And HUMOR! But mostly drama.

It'll all work out in the end, I promise you.

See ya next time.

Oh, **P.S.** Ally doesn't have a crush on James or anything. She's just comparing the two and she's finding herself angry at the fact that Sirius starts flirting with her out of nowhere.

By and by, she does make some pretty valid points about Sirius. But this is not Sirius-bashing. And they do end up together!


	4. The Stupidity Is Catching

**Chapter 4: The Stupidity Is Catching**

"Ahem. Ally? Are you in there?" I looked up from the inside of our tent, relief secretly welling up inside my stomach at hearing Lily's voice. Of course, I wasn't going to tell her that. I had stomped off to the tent after leaving Sirius and had been waiting nearly five minutes for her to show up! Five minutes! She was not getting off easy for this unacceptable disgression.

"Uh-huh."

"Are you okay?"

"Peachy."

"Are you lying?"

"How could you have possibly guessed?"

Lily sighed, groaned, and walked in the door. "I'm going to let that slide because I realize you're upset, but really, Ally, this is not the time for a joke."

I ignored her. "Right. And I'm not upset, I'm depressed. It happens to the best people, you know."

"Oh, shut up, Ally." She sat down next to me, playing with her fingers nervously. "I heard what you said. And I think you might be right."

"I really don't—wait a second, you heard me and Sirius—Merlin, you think I might be right?" I paused for a second. "…About what?" I added suspiciously. Let's ignore the fact that Lily thinking I'm right is a momentous occasion, so it didn't really matter what I was right about.

"James."

I gaped at her. "H—what?" Was she trying to make me feel better?

"Everything you said…it was true. I mean, he is arrogant, but—"

"So are you?" I tried.

"Ally!"

"Erm, sorry."

"I am not arrogant!"

"I think you'll find that you are. In a good sort of way," I added hastily as I saw Lily give me her 'Evil Eye.'

"Anyway…now I think I've blown it," she said dolefully.

"Lily, he's been chasing after you for three years. He's not going to give up when he's _this_"—I showed her how close by putting my fingers about an inch apart—"close. Don't you think you're being a bit overdramatic?"

"You're not really one to talk," said Lily, putting her hands on her hips. It was an incredible feat, considering she was sitting. "Black hasn't hit on you at all. While I admit you _are_ acting a bit like James and I—"

I yelped. "Do you know what that means, Lily? Do you?"

"Obviously not."

"It means we're going to get married and have little Harrys!"

"….What the hell are you on about?"

I stared at her. "Oh—heh…um, that is…nothing," I finished lamely.

Lily gave me an odd look, but plowed on anyway, "—you should probably go apologize because you flew off the handle at him. I mean, maybe he's a playboy, but he's funny and I think you two would be good together—dear God, I'm trying to set you up with him, aren't I?" I nodded. "Then apologize and become a nun."

"What? Nun? Where did that come from?"

"Well, I refuse to be even partly responsible for a new generation of Blacks going to Hogwarts, so you're only choice now is to become celibate because I…" She paused here thoughtfully. "Ithinkhereallylikesyou."

"Was I supposed to divine some meaning from that?"

Lily hung her head. "I'm going to hell for this…but I think he really likes you."

"No!" I cried. "I cannot have just sent my only chance for a boyfriend down the drain. Argh, I hate my life."

After giving me one of her famous don't-be-such-a-moron looks, Lily got up and walked out of the tent. I was extremely offended, because she usually saved these looks for James, Sirius, and (on occasion) Peter.

"Wait!" I followed her out. "But wasn't I right? I mean, how likely is it that our relationship will last? He'll probably find some Ravenclaw that he likes and will start snogging her instead."

"I think," said Lily, with that ever-growing brain of hers, "that Black has absolutely no idea what he wants, Ally. He goes around snogging girls and being an idiot because he's trying to figure out what he wants. And I think, Ally, that you beginning to show him what he wants, even without trying to do so. So don't take that away from him. Please. Because if you do, I don't think the school will be left standing by the end of the year."

It was at that moment that I realized why Lily Evans was my best friend. It was because I had no idea what I'd do without her. I might be a year younger, but she was always there, helping me, even as I argued with her. And I was there for her too, on every single one of her wild goose chases and during every one of her shrieked rants of annoyance.

"And Ally," said Lily, "Maybe Black isn't the best at being a boyfriend, but none of those other girls are real. Not like you. They chatter away, they're easy and they're free, and with them, there aren't any strings attached. I don't think he knows how to be loyal to girl—not yet, anyway. But," she added seriously, "I'd snog Amos Diggory before Black betrayed Potter, Lupin, or Pettigrew, so I think that he can be extremely loyal and you just have to bring that out."

I smiled, silently thanking her. Then I realized something. "Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"We're supposed to be on a first name basis."

"Argh, Ally!"

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Remus and Peter came back, their arms full of mushrooms and roots and (surprisingly enough) apples. "Apples?" I said questioningly. "Where the hell did you find apples?"

"A tree," replied Peter earnestly. I resisted the urge to smack him.

"Well, Lily and James got fish, and Sirius and I didn't see anything dangerous around here, so I guess we can light a fire and cook something," I said, trying to sound more like a leader and less like the nervous, trapped-in-a-dangerous-forest, sixteen-year-old girl I was. Where are those two idiots, anyway?"

"I don't know," said Remus, frowning, as I lit the fire and conjured up a pan from a rock. "I thought they'd've been with you two."

"No, I stomped off on Sirius," I said sheepishly, _dumping_ the mushrooms in the pan. "Peter, gut these, will you?"

Remus grinned. "There's a shocker. What'd he do?"

"Erm, actually, this time it was kind of my fault," I replied. "No, Peter, with the _wand_," I exclaimed, turing back to Peter, who had transfigured a branch to a knife and was trying to gut the fish manually. It was highly unsuccessful.

"I ran away from James," said Lily calmly to Remus, who looked annoyingly unsurprised. "I suppose he met up with Sirius, we were all in the same area…"

I summed up everyone's thoughts quite nicely. "Well, crap."

"Where could they have gone?" squeaked Peter nervously. "We're not in Hogwarts anymore!"

"Knowing James, probably to hang himself," muttered Lily darkly.

"Drama Queen," I hissed in her ear.

"Shut up," she hissed back.

"And Sirius?" Remus asked.

"Erm, I don't know," I said guiltily. "Uh, Remus—what does Sirius do when a girl rejects him?"

Remus looked thoughtful. "I don't know. The last time it happened was third year, and he asked out a fifth year. Of course, it was also a dare, so I don't think he cared either. Why?" He looked startled. "He didn't—he didn't ask you out did he?"

I laughed nervously. "Define 'asked out.'"

"Sorry, Ally, I thought he had at least enough tact to know not to ask a girl out in the middle of a forest."

"He didn't ask her out," said Lily, jumping off the awkward train and pulling the two of us with her. "She just rejected him anyhow."

"You did?" asked Remus.

"Heh. Hehehe…heh. Yeah."

* * *

"Howdy!" cried a voice I knew well. Sirius.

"How-what?" said Lily.

Remus sighed. "He's been reading those American cowboy novels again. I keep on telling him to shut up because nobody cares, but he keeps on using that stupid 'howdy.'"

"Sirius? James?" cried Peter.

"Wormtail!" yelled Sirius happily, bounding into the clearing, carrying…bags?

James followed close behind, his arms also full of bags. Where on earth had they gotten bags? Bags of what? Of food? I didn't think there was a grocery market in the Forbidden Forest.

"Um, guys?" said Lily, obviously trying to keep her temper. "Where did you get the bags?"

James grinned. "Hogsmeade, Lily-flower!"

Silence.

"Hogsmeade?" Now it was my turn. I stood up and glared at them. "You went to Hogsmeade?"

"Yep!"

"And you got food?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't think of coming back to get us so we could get out of this place?"

"Well, what does Hogsmeade do for us? I mean, we still wouldn't be at Hogwarts."

"Yes, but we know how to get to Hogwarts from Hogsmeade, don't we?"

"Oh." I saw something like a Merlin-I'm-so-stupid look dawn on James's face. "…Yes."

"But that would mean the adventure was over!" cried Sirius with a hurt expression. "The adventure can't be over!"

"It's not an adventure!" I shrieked at them. "We're trapped!"

"Well, maybe we can go back—" said Sirius desperately.

Lupin, who had gotten up and walked over to the edge of the clearing while I was cross-interrogating the James and Sirius, came over and sat down. "Too late," he said crossly. "The forest has shifted again."

If I'd ever thought Lily was going to explode before, it was nothing compared to how she was now.

"Fine," I snapped, grabbing the bags. "What did you get?"

I looked in the bags and nearly fainted. They'd bought three loaves of bread, a load of sweets from Honeydukes, and even more products from Zonko's.

And that was when I realized. We were screwed. So, completely, screwed.

I also realized something else. When we got back to Hogwarts (note the clever use of the 'when,' not 'if'), Sirius was losing his entire collection of American novels.

"Dear Merlin," whispered Lily, horrified, as she looked over my shoulder. "Their stupidity is catching. I can't bring myself to be surprised."

* * *

**A/N: Heh…heh…yeah.**

**Well….**

**Um….**

…**Sorry?**

**I had really bad depression this summer, which is why I haven't been updating lately. **

**Yup.**

**...Sorry.**


	5. In Which Ally Wants Some Sleep

**Chapter 5: In Which Ally Wants Some Sleep**

Five days later, the group was no closer to getting back to Hogwarts then we were on Day 1. Lily and Remus were having a breakdown because they were missing so many classes right before N.E.W.T.s (Lily was considerably worse then Remus), James and Sirius were constantly either sugar high or drunk (Personally, I couldn't decide which was worse), and Peter…well, Peter was just being Peter, and either trying to inhale Sugar Quills and Chocolate Frogs like James and Sirius, or trying to practice spells on trees whilst muttering definitions under his breath like Lily and Remus.

I thought he was terrible at both, so I didn't really see any point in him trying so hard.

And me? Well, as the 'designated leader,' which I had recently re-titled 'the Devil's Job,' I had been hiding wands, Firewhiskey, and Sugar Quills constantly. Unfortunately, there were only so many places one could hide these objects in case the Forest shifted again, so the morons kept on finding their hidden things.

Damn it all. How was it that I was the youngest, yet I was the only one who hadn't completely hit the wall yet? I was mostly worried. It had only been six days, yet I was afraid that by the time we got out of here, I would be the only one who wouldn't be sentenced to the Hospital Wing for the remainder of the year.

I walked over to James and Sirius, both of whom I was still furious at, and watched them drink to the health of a bush that was obviously decaying, if not already dead. "Ally!" they cried happily as I walked over. "Sit down, have a drink!"

"I'm underage," I told them shortly, realizing that both must be drunk off their arses. "Can you please pull yourselves together?"

"We are together!" said Sirius happily. "Oh, wait…Are we? James, do I have any limbs…are they gone? Merlin, Ally…I've lost my limbs, haven't I?" By now he was close to sobbing. James was patting him on the back, telling him drunkenly that he was still handsome, even with some limbs missing.

"The only thing missing here is your brain," I snapped at him. By this point, I'd welcome a Killer Couple, who hadn't shown up since the first day. A centaur, a hippogriff, a thestral…although, a million thestrals might have passed through and I wouldn't know because I couldn't see them. There had to be something around that could gouge my brain out and make me as stupid as the five of them.

I got up in depression and slouched over to Lily, Remus, and Peter, who was taking his turn with _them_ today. "Lily!" I shouted.

"What is it, Ally? I'm currently a bit busy," said Lily impatiently. She might sound normal, but Lily was as insane as the rest of them.

"Would you please stop practicing and help me?" I nearly snarled at her.

"Ally, if I don't practice, then I'll fail my N.E.W.T.s and that just can't happen!" She was nearly hysterical by this point. And you thought I was lying, didn't you?

"Lily, if you don't help me, we will never get out of here and then you'll _definitely_ fail!" I snapped, losing my temper all over again.

"Shut up, Ally! It won't happen, it won't!" She stopped and took a deep breath. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to studying."

That was it. That was the last straw. I had been dealing with this for _five effing days _and I was sick and tired of listening to them and watching them. I hadn't slept for four days. Four! Sirius and I weren't on speaking terms (except for when he was drunk), Lily and James either couldn't or wouldn't look at each other, and Remus and Peter were of no help whatsoever unless I found myself in one of those emotional moods where I need _yet_ _another_ example of how badly I had failed as a leader, which, very thankfully, hadn't happened yet. Not only were we in danger from outside forces, we were also killing ourselves, and in the back of my mind I couldn't help but cross off days until Remus became a werewolf again, and while I was sure we would be out by then…

But honestly, I reminded myself, we might not be. I was making patrols every day to see if we were close to the border, but we weren't moving very far. And I couldn't go out and leave them alone together.

That was it. I was done playing the understanding leader. I walked to the center of the camp, pulled out my wand and said, "_Expelliarmus_!"

James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Lily's wands flew out of their hands (or pockets) and into my hand. Lily and Remus looked at me with expressions that promised torture. James, Sirius, and Peter just looked confused.

Of course, I wasn't done. "_Accio_ Firewhiskey! _Accio_ sweets!" Now James and Sirius looked murderous too.

I glared at them. "I am done. I am done with watching you drown youselves in Firewhiskey and acting like idiots and I am done with watching you two work yourselves into the ground and being anorexic in preparation for a test that you five might not even be there for." Lily let out a wail.

"_Incendio_," I said, pointing my wand at the Firewhiskey and Honeydukes things. Sirius looked appalled as he watched his pride and joy go up in smoke (the idiot) and James looked deadly seriously angry, which was impressive for a drunk. Obviously, James held his alcohol better than Sirius. How odd. I thought it would've been the other way around.

"What are you doing?" Sirius screeched. Yep, James held it better than Sirius.

"Saving your life," I ground out. "_Stupefy_!" They were blasted backward and knocked out cold. "Now, you three. Help me move them into a tent." They nodded their assent quickly and moved Sirius and James into a tent and onto sleeping bags. Obviously, they had realized that a sleep-deprived, mature, angry Ally Godrey was not the type of person you messed with. "Peter, I want you to stay with them and wait for them to wake up. If they don't wake up in an hour, wake them up with 'Ennervate' and give them a Sobering Potion which Sirius probably has lying around. Here is your wand," I added, throwing it to him. "Use it for any reason but self-defense and I will dis-assemble you piece by piece. Do you understand me?" He gulped, which I took as a yes.

"You two, come with me," I said. Lily and Remus nodded and walked out of the tent with me.

As soon as we were all, Lily burst into, "Ally, are you feeling all right? I didn't know you could actually do that!"

"I can't," I said to her. "I'm just too tired to follow my own personality laws. Now, we are getting out of here today or we're going to die trying. You guys have been great…well, no actually, you've been awful and I can't stand this anymore, but the point is that what I need is for you to go back to normal, James and Sirius to become sober again, and for me to go to bed and sleep. Sleep, do you understand me?" Dear Merlin, I'd finally done it. I'd lost my mind. It had been shattered to a million pieces and I was functioning on muscle memory and sugar from some chocolate I'd stolen from James.

"Er…yes," said Remus carefully. I was a ticking time-bomb to them who could explode and wash them with blood and guts and sweat and tears and any moment. I cackled evilly inside my head.

Oh, gross, would that actually be possible? I'd have to look that up when we got back to…

"Hogwarts!" I cried, reaching out in midair for the savior of my soul, the end-all be-all, the place where I could die happy—

I wonder if James and Sirius spiked the chocolate.

* * *

After a few hours of searching for something, for anything, Lily cried out, "Hey! Look!"

Crashing through the trees, Lupin and I ran to her side, panting. At the sight I saw, I nearly cried for relief. There ahead of us, off in the distance, was Hagrid and Professor McGonagall.

"Oh, thank Merlin," I shrieked, running towards them at top speed, Remus and Lily right behind me. "Oi! Professor! Hagrid! Profess—AGH!" Suddenly, the ground below me gave way and I crumpled, almost comically, before falling into a pit. Lily and Remus, who were too close and were going too fast to stop, landed on top of me. "Ouch!"

"Sorry," said Remus, quickly getting off.

"Lily," I groaned, forcing myself to roll over, "you are _so_ skinny. You can't really be that heavy."

"Oh, shut up," snapped Lily, sitting up on her knees and looking up at the trees. "What happened?"

"We fell," I said, still in pain.

"Obviously. I meant—Professor McGonagall and Hagrid were right there—what could have possibly—?"

Professor McGonagall and Hagrid appeared over the side of the pit, looking down at the three of us. "Professor!" Lily cried "Could you help us—Oh my God…" They had morphed. Now they looked like Sirius and Peter. Then they morphed again to look like…Lily and James…

"Oh no!" I moaned, my ankle throbbing like hell. "Killer Couples!"

Lily looked at me. "What are you talking about?"

"On the first day, Sirius and I saw you two walking and laughing together before snogging. We realized you were fake and so we dubbed the imposters 'Killer Couples' because we thought they might be dangerous."

Lily's eyes widened. "They're Segarim*!"

"Sega-what?" I asked.

"Segarim, also known as Illusion Demons. They lure their prey in with appealing illusions then trap them and leave them to die," moaned Lily. "How could I have been so _stupid_?"

I scratched my head. "Wow, Sirius and I were way off." My ankle throbbed again and I moaned.

The two illusions left, letting out a low chuckle as they did so.

"Ally?" said Lily in concern. "Are you all right?"

"No," I said carefully, moving my leg. "My ankle's all swelled. I think it's broken."

"Where're your Healer things?" asked Remus.

"Back at camp," I said miserably. "I'm going to try to numb it and wrap it up with magic. I can't do much more than that yet."

"At your age, that's pretty impressive," said Remus, who was obviously trying to cheer me up.

"Right," I told him, wincing as my ankle throbbed again. "Thanks. Can you Apparate us out of here?" I asked. I already knew the answer, but it felt good to have a question to ask.

"No, you can't Apparate or Disapparate on Hogwarts grounds," said Remus in a sing-song voice, as if he'd said it before a million times before. Which, knowing James and Sirius, he probably had.

I sighed in relief as the pain faded to be replaced by an uncomfortable but bearable buzzing. Of course, my relief was short-lived as I stared up into the night sky, not knowing if James and Sirius were even awake, if they were sober, if anyone in Hogwarts was even aware we were gone or where we might possibly be.

Could this really be the end-all be-all?

"Maybe James and Sirius will find us, if they wake up and aren't lazy," murmured Lily quietly. "Until then, I really don't see how we can get out."

"Maybe we could Transfigure something into a broom?" I inquired half-heartedly.

"Transfiguring a branch into a broom would be easy, but it won't go anywhere," said Remus.

"_Wingardium Leviosa_?" I suggested.

"It's too high and the spell isn't powerful enough to lift a human being."

"Thank you Captain Sunshine," I snapped at Remus angrily. "Your optimism and never-ending string of ideas are always welcome."

"Don't take it out on him, Ally," said Lily. "We're just going to have to wait for Sirius and James and Peter to save us."

I looked down at the floor, leaned my head back against the wall and summed up the situation quite nicely with three descriptive words. "Then we're dead."

* * *

**A/N: *Segarim. In case you hadn't realized, they don't actually exist. I kind of just made them up. If you look closely, you'll realize that I stole the 'Mirror of Erised' idea and wrote the word 'mirages' backwards.**

**Yup.**

**Disclaimer: I don't think I've put this on here yet, so I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters. Except Ally. She's simply too cool to be owned by anyone but me.**

**Also, the whole story with the Healer thing is that during the war against Voldemort, Madam Pompfrey took some of the brightest students and gave them Healer lessons as opposed to, say, Arithmancy or Ancient Runes or Divination. Ally just happened to be one of those students. Then, after Voldemort was defeated, Madam Pomfrey stopped giving the lessons, which is why they are not included in the books.**

**That probably isn't actually the case, but it works for the plot of the story. **


	6. In Which Ally Gets Some Sleep

**Chapter 6: In Which Ally Gets Some Sleep**

_Meanwhile…_

"ARGH!"

"James, calm down, Lily's a perfectly capable witch—"

"Get off," interrupted Sirius, who obviously didn't care about James's anxiety or Lily's disappearance. All he was concerned with was the fact that he back was being weighed down and it felt like it was going to crack any minute. "Oi, lay off the candy, will you? You're giving me scoliosis."

"Er, Sirius, I don't think that term means what you think it means," said Peter carefully.

"Wow, you're stupid, Paddy," snickered James.

"Shut it, Prongs," muttered Sirius, looking around the campsite. "Hey, where're Ally and Moony?"

"They went to look for a way out of the Forest with Lily," squeaked Peter proudly. "They've been gone for about an hour now."

Sirius's eyes sharpened. "Ally went too?"

Peter nodded.

"And they've been gone for an hour?"

Peter nodded again.

"And you didn't go and look for them because…?"

"Because you two were still recovering from the effects of the Sobering Potion," explained Peter.

"Right you are, Wormy, and I'm glad you stayed," said Sirius happily. "Oh, wait…no, I'm not…Hey, Wormtail, there's no chance that you have a twin, is there?"

"Um, no," said Peter in confusion.

"Damn," said Sirius sadly.

"Don't worry about him, he's still recovering," said James. "He can't hold his alcohol. I, on the other hand," he added proudly, striking a dramatic pose, "can."

Sirius glared at him. "I don't see what holding alcohol has to do with being drunk," he said crossly.

James sighed, hung his head, brightened up, and grabbed his arm. "We're going on an adventure, Padfoot!" he crowed happily. "Pack up your things, we're going on an adventure to save Lily!"

"And Ally and Moony," said Peter quickly.

"Yes, and them," James said impatiently. "But mostly Lily."

Sirius looked depressed. "I don't have any things. Ally burned them all."

"Oh yeah," said James thoughtfully. "Darn."

"Well, why don't we get rid of all this stuff and go searching for them?"

"Exactly!" cried James to Peter. "Where are you getting all of these great ideas from?"

"Er, I don't know…?" said Peter. To be perfectly honest, the ideas were fundamentally simple, but the boys had yet to recover from the Sobering Potion that Peter had discovered in Sirius's trouser pocket, and so they were a bit out of the loop.

"Ahem," said Sirius, while James was shaking Peter's shoulders. "Er, where are our wands?"

Peter's grin disappeared. "Ally…took them…?"

Sirius shrieked. And it wasn't even a manly shriek, or a slightly-manly shriek. It was a full-out girlish shriek, which Peter was terrified by and James was highly impressed. "What are we going to do without our wands? Do you know what this means, Peter? Do you?"

"…No?"

"It means that Ally really does hate me!" wailed Sirius in despair. "It's why she _left_ me in this god-forsaken place with no form of defense, except two human shields and…" His eyes brightened as he saw a large branch lying at the edge of the clearing. "…and a stick! Two human shields and a stick!" he cried, brandishing said stick.

James frowned. "Did he just call us human shields?"

Unable to respond, Peter simply nodded.

"Hey Padfoot, don't you think you're being a little over-dramatic?"

* * *

_Meanwhile, back with Ally, Lily, and Remus…_

"ARGH! Lily, don't do that!"

"Sorry."

"You cannot pace. It's not that big of a hole. And if you touch my ankle it explodes with pain, so _please_ control yourself."

"Yes, I know, I'm sorry."

"Oi, Ally, is your ankle _any_ better?"

"No," I groaned, looking pitifully at Remus, who had been holding his wand for the past half-hour shining a light up at the top of the hole. He and Lily had hopes that Sirius, James, and Peter (though in my opinion, it was more likely that we'd see my parents and Snape then any of them) would come by and save us.

Lily and Remus had not stopped trying to magic our way out of this mess, but the Killer Couples (or Segarim, as they were actually called) obviously knew what they were doing. Every time they tried, they somehow got _me_ hurt, which was not all right by any means because I was already in pain and I thought I deserved a little comfort, or, at the very least, not to be crushed by rocks or Lily or a thesaurus (it's better if you don't ask).

It was far past midnight now. I don't know why I'd thought coming out at eleven at night was a good idea, but I suppose I'd been a little more than desperate.

And I _still _hadn't slept.

Although, at the very least, it wasn't for lack of trying.

Lily slid down to the ground beside me. "I can't believe this," she grumbled sourly. "Head Girl, and I can't even magic my way out of a hole."

I looked at my ankle. "It wouldn't matter if you did," I told her finally. "I'd still be stuck down here. I can't climb out. I can't even stand."

"Well, you could stand," Lily said fairly.

"No," I admitted. "I couldn't. If I put weight on it, the spell wears off and considering all the damn things you've dropped on me since we got down here, my ankle will be ten times worse. So I'd just fall down again from pain."

"Oh," said Lily reluctantly. This was not good news, not by a long shot.

_Are we really going to be stuck down here until we die?_ I thought soberly. I looked over at Lily and realized she was thinking the exact same thing.

* * *

_With James, Sirius, and Peter…_

"Liiiiily! _Liiiiily_!"

"You know, Lily isn't the only person who's gone missing," said Sirius sullenly, as they walked through the forest searching for the three missing persons.

Peter looked at him in relief. "Has the Sobering Potion worn off yet?"

Sirius cocked his head, looking thoughtful. "Yes, I think so."

"Oh, thank Merlin," sighed Peter. "Then can you talk some sense into Prongs?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"Because there's no talking sense to someone on Sobering Potion," said Sirius seriously (A/N: Hardy-har-har). "It's even more dangerous than Firewhiskey."

Peter looked horrified. "Then why is it Sobering?"

"Eh, don't worry, Wormtail," said Sirius, suddenly looking chipper. "It'll wear off soon."

Peter nodded happily, too stupid to realize that three boys, two without wands, one completely nuts and the other high off of Sobering Potion was definitely something worth worrying about. "So which way next?"

"Hey! _Hey_!"

"Hay is for horses, Prongs," mumbled Sirius as he and Peter followed the sound of James's shouting.

A loud moan echoed around the clearing. A _girl's _moan. "Sirius, Peter! I _found _them!"

Sirius and Peter stared at each other. "What?"

"The missing persons!" The girl's moan came again. "I _found_ them!"

"I dub thee Sherlock Holmes," said Sirius. Peter wasn't quite sure whether he was being sarcastic or not. "Oh wait! You _found _them?"

Another moan. This time it sounded more like a "Noooooooo….."

"Yes!" cried James enthusiastically, completely unaware of the fact that his friend had only gotten to the point after the second try. Peter did, but he didn't say anything.

"Ally!" cried Sirius, rushing in the direction of James. "Ally! Allegra!" He stopped at the edge of the hole and cocked his head. "Is that your first name?" He shook his head and swiped his hair out of his eyes. "I am here to declare my undying love for you and that I don't care that you left me alone with two human shields, one an idiot, one a _shtick_, and a…stick…" He shook his head again. "Anyway! I love you and everything and I will stop binge-flirting, like you said, even though I don't really know what that means…"

There was stifled laughter, a loud yelp of pain and more stifled laughter. "Er…Sirius, are you feeling all right? This is kind of…sudden."

Peter came around the trees with James, who appeared to have gotten off his high. They both ran for the hole. "Lily?"

"James?"

"Thank Merlin! Are you all right?"

"I am, but Ally's got a broken ankle…" Lily sounded sheepish.

"You got a broken ankle from falling into a hole?" asked Peter.

"No," said Ally with gritted teeth. "I got a sprained ankle from falling into the hole. It got broken afterwards." Her tone made it clear that there would be no more answers, and therefore, no more questions.

A few minutes later, everyone was standing on firm ground. Much to James's surprise, Lily threw her arms around James the moment they were close enough, and whispered an "I'm sorry" into his shoulder. He grabbed her comfortably. Everyone stared at them, shell-shocked.

Everyone except Ally, that is. She was sitting a ways away, tending to her ankle. Sirius left the gaping Peter and walked over to stand by her. "So…how's your ankle?"

She looked up at him. "I see you're back from Cloud Nine."

Sirius laughed nervously. "Kind of. Er, about that…"

"Yeah, I know. Peter told me about the Sobering Potion. What the hell did you put in there?"

"An abundance of Cheering Charms," he told her happily.

She rolled her eyes, but laughed anyway. "So…about that…"

"Right. Well, I'm not sure what happened tonight—to be honest, this whole day's been a blur—but I think I want to remember."

Ally stood up (rather well, considering) and brushed off her jeans. "Well," she said, her eyes flashing mischievously, "I had an epiphany down there, and I think that maybe, just maybe…I want you to remember too." She gave him a smile. "You're kind of a lot more than I thought you were. Granted, you're an absolute moron, and you _will_ have to stop binge-flirting, even if you don't know what it is…but maybe we can try."

Sirius grinned at her, and in a moment of chivalry (which Ally thoroughly milked for all its worth, because it probably wouldn't happen again for a decade or so) picked her up bridal style so she didn't have to walk.

"Going a bit fast there, aren't we, Padfoot?" said a smirking James.

Lily did nothing. Ally shot her a hurt look, but all Lily did was stand there with a 'serves-you-right' look on her face.

Ally didn't really believe in sentimental moments, but if she did, this would be one. All their things were there (Peter, of all people, had had the sense to pack everything up), the night was nice in that 'if-I'm-going-to-be-the-last-thing-you-see-before-you-die-I-at-the-very-least-have-the-decency-to-look-nice' sort of way.

And then, it happened. The thing. The thing that saved Ally's sanity from being forever, as opposed to temporarily, lost.

"Potter! Black! Pettigrew! Lupin! Miss Evans! Miss Godrey! Where _have_ you been?"

Never in all her life did Ally think she'd be so glad to hear the sharp-edged tone of Minerva McGonagall.

* * *

**A/N: Ha! I finished!**

**I lied. I didn't. There's going to be an epilouge.**

**(I just spelt that horribly wrong.)**

**And if you think that I'm a horrible evil person who just loves to torture you with lack of updates...well, you're right. Except that I don't love it. It just _happens_, damn it!**

**And if you're wondering why - well, then, you're just dumb.**

**Kidding.**

**The reason why I'm writing an epilogue (Ha! And no, I'm not going back and fixing the other one) is because this is not an AU story. So I have to kill Ally off. **

**Sorry.**

**So if you like this couple, don't read the epilogue, and go on living your Sirius/Ally lives. **

**And if I do something AU (I think I put the wrong Head Boy) just change it. You are all smart people. At least, I hope you are.**

**I'll be tying up a few loose ends though, so read the epilogue and mentally add an extra paragraph about it being a dream or something.**

**Right. Wow, this is long. And I'm making it longer.**

**Bah-bye!**


	7. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Eighteen years later, a much older Sirius Black sat at the dining room table of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, with the Weasley family. The cheerful chatter had broken out across the table at the news of Arthur's survival of the snake attack, and Sirius was almost compelled to join in.

Where was Harry? He'd gone to get some water from the kitchen, but that had been nearly three minutes ago.

Almost precisely at that moment, Harry came in, carrying something that definitely wasn't a glass of water. It looked like…a box? A picture frame?

"Sirius," he said, his voice silencing everyone else's, "is this my mum and dad?"

Hermione and Ron stared from Harry to Sirius. Sirius stood, walked briskly to Harry and looked at the picture. There they were, the five of them, him and James and Remus, and Lily and…Ally…

There they were, laughing and smiling, their faces muddy and tired, their hair tangled beyond belief, but Sirius thought that they had never looked better.

Pettigrew hadn't been in the picture, since he'd been taking it. But where had Harry gotten this? He thought he'd burned it.

"I just sort of found it," Harry explained defensively, incorrectly reading Sirius's face as anger. "It was all smashed and hidden in the cupboard. If you want me to put it back—"

Sirius laughed. The entire table stared at him. "No, it's fine, Harry. Merlin, I thought I'd destroyed this thing…"

Molly looked at it. "Oh, my…Sirius, is this the day you and the others got out of the Forbidden Forest?"

Harry stared at him. "You were in the Forbidden Forest?"

Ron craned his neck to look at the picture. "Hey, who's the girl?" he asked.

"Harry's mum!" said Hermione in exasperation.

"No…the other one…"

Molly looked at Sirius. "After all this time, you kept this?"

Sirius almost laughed again. "That girl is Ally Godrey. She was a sixth-year Gryffindor when your mum was a seventh-year, Harry. Lily dragged Ally everywhere. They were best of friends. Lily wanted Ally to be the Maid of Honor at her and James's wedding…"

"My mum had a best friend?" said Harry excitedly. "Can I meet her?"

"You could, but it wouldn't do you any good," said Sirius shortly. "She's dead."

"Dead?" said Hermione.

Arthur shook his head. "She was such a promising witch," he said sadly. "She probably would've bested Madame Pomphrey with her healing skills had she lived."

Sirius stared at the picture. "We took this when we got out of the Forbidden Forest. We'd been stuck there for over a week, you know, and we were all a bit insane at that point. Of course, we were all a bit insane to begin with. After our endeavors, they put up enchantments so that no one would get stuck like we did again. " He looked at the picture again. "Pettigrew took it, that's why he's not in it. It was the four of us and Lily and Ally."

"What happened to Ally?" asked Hermione quietly. "How—how did she die?"

"At the beginning of her seventh year, she went on her first Hogsmeade trip of the year," said Sirius. "It was bad times then, really bad. I was surprised they let them go at all." He sighed. "I was off deliberating whether I wanted to join the Order or not. Lily and James—they joined together to fight Voldemort—they were engaged at that point—but being in the Order meant I would probably never see Ally, and we barely saw each other at all anyway, with her being in school and me not."

"You two were dating?" said Molly in a surprised tone.

Sirius nodded. "We actually got together in the Forbidden Forest—I'll tell you the story in a minute," he said, seeing the twins open their mouths.

"Anyway, the Death Eaters attacked Hogsmeade. Judging from your expressions, you think it's impossible, but it wasn't back then. Ally was a capable witch. She could've made it out—," he stopped and stared at the picture before continuing, "—but she ran into three little third-year girls, terrified out of their minds. One of them had an awful cut running down her arm—she was muggleborn, while the other two were half-blood. Ally stayed behind to help them, and they escaped. They're still alive today. However, Ally wasn't so lucky. Ally was pureblood, but she had been adopted into a muggle family, so they treated her like one. And they killed her." He stopped and stared at his horrified audience (excluding Arthur and Molly, who already knew the story), and said, "but those three little third year girls are part of the Order now. One of them is Hestia Jones."

"I'm sorry, Sirius," said Ron.

"Don't worry about it," said Sirius. "Here, I'll tell you the story of the Forbidden Forest. The beginning and the middle are a lot funnier than the end."

The twins looked interested, as did Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Even Ginny put down her book she'd been reading and listened.

"It all started on the night of a full moon, when Lily dragged a very disgruntled Ally out of bed at three in the morning and tried to catch the four of us red-handed…"

* * *

**A/N: Yeah. **

**YOU'RE WELCOME.**

**Ah, my first completed story. Now all I have to do is get back to my Nicci Lonsen story before somebody tries to kill me through a computer.**

**I have learned that I'm much better at writing OC's because then I get to add snarky comments with going OOC, but my next story WILL contain all regular characters, if I have to kill myself doing it.**

**Have I written a disclaimer? Probably have, but I'm too lazy to go and check. **

**DISCLAIMER: If I owned Harry Potter, it would be intimately involved with either A) Hogwarts Founders or B) Greek Gods. So, do I own Harry Potter?**

**Actually, B isn't really a choice. **

**Shhh.**


End file.
